When you ask a man how he feels, he may only be able to tell you what he thinks. Men are thinkers. Their feelings are hidden as the intellectual property of their soul. Feelings are filtered in their head and they are rarely able to get to them. It’s not that they don’t want to feel, but rather that feelings are hard to get to, because they are not “wired” that way. Men are challenged by this paradox because they are always running into situations that force them to the ocean floor of their emotions. When tears are hard to hold back and anger is crying for revenge and violence, men rush to rescue these feelings with logic; calculated thought that gives rise to stability and control. If anything is ever important for a man, it is always to control his emotions. Feeling is a dance they fear having because thinking is safer and more promising. Thinking keeps them from the explosive realities of their emotions. So, it’s not that they don’t feel, it’s just that they don’t feel like women feel. Which brings up an interesting dynamic. The thought that if men do not do it like women, then they are somehow doing it wrong.
Men don’t have to do things like women to connect with women. Men need to learn and accept that the way they are “wired” is OK. Somewhere along the line, men have learned that there was something wrong with them. The way they sorted through sexual development by exploring as many girls as possible; the way they perceived their realities and responded to their environments; the way they sought attention and popularity; the way they ran from their responsibility when life left them with no resolve; the way they cried, without tears because they really loved the things they lost. There is nothing wrong with manhood, but there is something wrong with life, and men have had to live in it and figure out how and where they fit.
Article Written by Leroy Scott
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